I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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