It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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