Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize