drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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