can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize