it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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