I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
