I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
