I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
