there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
