you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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