Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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