WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
