just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
