So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said her name was "party"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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