We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
