i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
