my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
