Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry michaeljto hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(519): View more from Ontario

her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

Fav 20 12001 1795
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(210): View more from Texas

Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

Fav 27 8856 1633
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(623): View more from Arizona

Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.

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(206): View more from Washington

You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

Fav 12 2802 1180
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(850): View more from Florida

Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model

Fav 5 1853 872
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(989): View more from Michigan

I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.

Fav 3 417 187
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.

Fav 0 29 6
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