after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
