i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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