I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
