i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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