i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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