piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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