I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
