I'm jealous of your bromance
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
