sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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