I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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