You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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