It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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