Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
