I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
