wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
