why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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