do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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