I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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