it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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