I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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