I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
