My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
