The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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