Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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