Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
