Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
