I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
