he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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