Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
