apparently the secret to your success is patron
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
