Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
