I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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