He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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