Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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