either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
