My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
