i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize