my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
