Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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