oh god the rape fog is back!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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