11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
