You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
