did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
