yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize