I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
