Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
