so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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