hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
