did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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