yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
