Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
