Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
