i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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