I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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