I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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