Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
