I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
