thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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