I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
