The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
