we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
