and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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