Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
