i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
