First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize