I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
