im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
