Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
