K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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