last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
