i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize