I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
