she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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