So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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