And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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