yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
