Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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