wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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