I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
