false alarm. still invincible.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
