It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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