Can Purell be used as lube?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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