i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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